Revealing Lungs

To see life a little clearer
awestruck eyes gaze
-One Pause-
The drumming of footsteps
Hair blows as God breathes
-One Pause-
Openness of the spirit
witness to the world
-One Pause-
Permanent life. No
Permanent thought. No
Permanent joy. No
Permanent flesh. No

Why not make friends with the world
For we soon blur. burry. fade.
Not delete. Not defeat.
Just new tab. New day
Permanent soul.

Isolation.
Unseen.
Path in the dark
Hidden in the waves of skin. invisible mark.
Hiding emotion
Hiding meaning
Constantly leaning never leading
Waiting for one to rescue you
But Think...
Who are you rescuing?
Ignorant. but not blind

Imagine you smiling at blurred colors on the sidewalk
Positive contagious actions. reactions. joy
Feeling more pain for deaf screams than self
-One Pause-
Oxygen pumping. In and Out. In and Out
Right now revealing dislocated people
Witness. Invest. Breathe

In and Out. In and...

-grace gutekanst

Hugs For Satan

Who prays for Satan
Holder of cemetery of souls
who feels his pain
while he strives for yours

Joy in hurt

Hundreds hurt

Thousands hurt

Millions hurt

Billions hurting

Immune to pain?
Does he suffer the same

Creating numerous struggles

Caring too much for the discarded
left to correct
seen and believed
Keeper of the unclean

I ponder
I wonder
as I pray for Satan

-grace gutekanst

Something to think about

judged for the way you are born

seen as not "normal"

enjoying life even with the multiple struggles

strapped down while colors rush past your chair, 

independently carefree humans

Imagine you trying to stretch out, reaching for acceptance

hands grabbing pushing you farther away,

they pat your head,

talk about you in front of stranger,

and then they mention

you have a "condition"

while close up faces focus on yours and the words get slower and slower and sl o w e r

a n d     sllll  ooo  ww   errrr rrr

for your comprehension

that is their mission

because if your body doesn't work apparently neither does your hearing or vision

so speak slower

How do you feel?

How do you really feel?

Can you kneel

and look at my eyes

instead of your superior power up high

because you have legs that move

Picture 180 degree stares as you tremble to nourish yourself

with a shaky arm

not realizing the harm

while rivers flow back from your eyelids

even at 19 years old.

And the one thing you wish for is love

yes the cheesy kind of love that sounds cliche in every poem

love in a smile,

a hug,

a "hello"

I don't know

wouldn't you yearn for cliche love

over detrimental stares

many can't control their body

whether alcohol addiction

or over eating

and their body fleeting

but what if you did nothing wrong?

what if your body just didn't feel like it belonged?

and it left your mind to worry

born with a stronger brain than bone

it's just a tortured skeleton home

-grace gutekanst

Corrupt Youth

Corrupt Youth

Blood.

Death.

Vampires.

Drugs.

Alcohol.

Liers.

Oh the foul youth.

Duplicate media to reality

This generation they say

Babied but corrupt

Can I even ask

which generation makes these obscene movies?

who taught the corrupt ones?

who speaks the news in the wee morn?

The current generation is so wrong they say

the fault lies on the young

the young;

reality tv watching,

dreaming,

money-seeking,

immature,

ignorant generation

-grace gutekanst

garden house

E Park 

The corner of happiness and stress
Do I confess that I might actually digress
When I feel like I grow
I don't know

A bubble of comfort
inside shared
Free flowing locks of wavy blonde hair
two kittens,
dead flowers,
an avocado,
and fortune cookies
We are the rookies
The rookies of life
While we hide inside our garden house
As the sun seeps through our souls

-grace gutekanst

camp makes you a sensitive person

My second and last week of camp this summer was so memorable and filled with so much heart ache when the campers leave.  24/7 with one camper for a week and no further than arms length away... and then all of a sudden they're gone.  Each time you have a camper they fill up a part of you, you didn't know you needed, with their smiles, laughter, and struggles.  When they leave you wake up in the middle of the night to check if they are still asleep, you glance up often to make sure they are still by your side, and you yearn for others to see them and love them the way you do when they leave to go back home.  And even though you know god is taking care of them all day, you still wonder because these are the greatest kids and what one would call "faults" I see the beauty.  To run when they want to run; to scream because it feels good; to not be able to use their legs but have intelligent minds; and maybe some will not speak with words, but they are speaking.  I know god listens to these beautiful children.  I work at Camp Hawkins to spend time with these kids.

My last camper of the summer was a 19 year old boy with autism and non-verbal but brilliant.  He was a fantastic speller.  I cried when his dad took him at the end of the week and I don't cry.  When his dad took him early, without letting him receive his award and do the camp song, we were rushed to the car and I said "love you" and my camper replied with "I ove ou oo".  His dad looked at me and said, "I didn't know he could do that".  My heart broke a little.  Then I told his dad yes and he also wrote down all the answers in bible study too!  His dad had no idea he could.  His dad was nice, I don't want to paint a picture like he wasn't nice, but the dad just seemed unappreciative of his sons talents.  That is when I curled up behind a wheelchair and cried when I returned to the award show.  I don't like to be seen as vulnerable, therefore no one saw me.  I just appeared with a puffy face and wiped eyes as I returned with smiles towards the other children.  

I had two extremely wonderful weeks at Camp Hawkins and am so grateful to call it one of my home away from homes.

clapping for smiles

My second year working at Camp Hawkins, a camp for special needs children.  Camp Hawkins is one of the greatest places on earth.  I only work the last two weeks of camp this year (last year I worked all 6 weeks).  

My camper last week was a sweet sweet boy with autism and is non-verbal.  He wants everyone to clap and is constantly running or pacing around, therefore I was too, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.  His smile made my heart melt.  He knew a little sign language which helped, but really conversation has very little to do with words anyways.  Facial reactions and mannerisms speak mountains.  

I did not stop moving from Wednesday to Sunday.  So much energy.  He also gave wonderful kisses on the cheek.  He is absolutely precious and now has a piece of my heart.  Even though he has gone home and the next week of new campers is about to start... I still find myself randomly clamping and looking up to see if his smiling face is nearby.   

Asheville in the summer

A random act of spontaneity  in a trip to Asheville on a Tuesday in the summer.  

A wonderful family friend host who may be the most humble, selfless person I've ever met.  

Traveling with a roommate who has never been to Asheville, and me, a girl who returns to Asheville, NC for chaotic sanity.  

Later after arrival: A late night stroll downtown and met a group of people carrying a giant life-size bag of popcorn.  I pat the dog; i sit on the pavement;  I look over; I talk.  Next to me is a guy with a different presence.  He was calm.  We talked about life.  He decides to move from place to place with his wife and his dog to live by faith and not by sight.  We talk about special needs, because next week I am going to work at a special needs camp.  Special needs might be what is beautiful and what's  "normal" may be messed up.  We talked and talked, and then Malachai asked to pray over me.  I nodded.  It felt surreal, it made my heart hurt in the best possible way.  My friend and I said bye to the group of harmony and lolly gagged up to a interesting bar.  

Inside the bar were grungy colors invading spaces, a wooden top bar, old men, and women in all black or long skirts.  I squat on a stool.  My friend orders a drink as the bartender smiles genuinely.  My friend and I chatted about deep conversations of the struggles of good and bad.  Hers is a life always surrounded by good, easy life with a wonderful family and experiences, but now noticing how cruel others can really be.  And me, always seeing the good in people but never thought many really cared about me.  This past year has brought realizations of the amazing people surrounding my life and the extreme independence I strive off of  may be insecurities festering from old wounds.  Then in walked a guy we had seen earlier, a traveling kid.  He walks in sits down beside us, with gorgeous thick wavy hair.  Instead of asking us where we are from or what school we go to.... he asks what we were talking about with sincerity and joined the conversation.  serious conversations then goofy.  A light saber penis might have come up in conversation (maybe). we said goodbye after 3 hours.

The trip ended with another tour of Asheville by Mark and going to a chocolate bar before heading home for  the 5 hr trek, blasting some Jennifer Hudson with the windows rolled down in the car and my roommate and I singing to the top of our lungs. A wonderful trip it was.